Christmas' past and present

Sleigh bells ring. Are you listening?

In the lane, snow is glistening.

Beautiful sight, we are happy tonight,

BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!

Have you ever known it was the holidays and you were supposed to be excited? The world around you was filled with the expectancy of the holy season, but everything you did seemed like just going through the motions? For no matter what you did, you could not find the joy.

Maybe it is that there have been times that you got lost in the preparation for the holiday. Times when the decorations, the shopping and the parties became the focus and you forgot to focus on the deeper meaning of the holiday.

What about feeling the emptiness within because you did not have a significant other to share the magic with? Or someone to create beautiful memories for? Someone to treasure you and show you that you are special? These days can seem endless, lacking, painful.

I know that I have experienced that in the past. When I was growing up, I was not encouraged to look at the meaning of the season. I focused on the commercialism. Then I remember the Christmas that my beloved Grandfather had a heart attack in the middle of our Christmas celebration. Things tend to lose there brilliance and sparkle when we are faced with life and death.

Then there was the first Christmas after my parents divorce, everything was strange and different. Not one cell in my body felt like celebrating. I felt torn in half and only wanted to feel whole. But even Santa couldn’t repair that wish.

Or the Christmas following my grandfather’s death just 10 days prior. How could I celebrate when this man, the patriarchal head of our family, my lifeline, was no longer a vital part of my life?

Before Mandy was born, I remember feeling so lonely. Wishing I had a special someone to enjoy. Someone to cuddle up with. Someone to make the season special! Know matter how delightful it was to be with family, there was an ache in my heart that was not filled unless I had my own family or special someone!

This blessed season, I am grateful for my family. I am grateful we are all in good health. I am grateful that the focus is no longer on the healing the pain of loss in my life. I am grateful that I have moved beyond materialism and shifted to a place of honoring the sacredness of the season.

This season, I will share gifts with families and friends. I will give from a space of wholeness, not want or lack. I will fellowship with loved ones and treasure each moment as I know that they are numbered and joys of the memories created will need to carry me through other bittersweet times.

But mostly, I will light the candle of my soul. I will spend time in love, remembering that Jesus came to teach us about love. That indeed, we are complete and w”holy”. We are en”light”ened beings. We are divinely love, divinely loved, and to divinely love. I want to stretch and grow in my capacity to love myself, my daughter, my friends and those that are brought into my life. I want celebrate this season by loving more through all my words and deeds....Let my doing not be the focus, but the intention behind it be apparent!

May the love in the world increase because we chose this holiday season to be the love and the light in the world!

God bless and love you all dearly this holiday season!

December